I did not know how to be a body down there in the towns. I didn’t know how to be flesh. In my younger adult years my guts were saying “take me to the moors, take me to the moors”. It was compulsive thought. Perhaps it was put in my head by words of theContinue reading “Anorexia and the moors”
Category Archives: Writing
“This world that we imagine in this room might be used to gain access to other rooms, Other worlds, previously unimaginable.”
“Without examples, without modelsI began to believe voices in my head, That I am a freak, that I am broken, That there is something wrong with me, That I will never lovable. Years later, I find the courage to admit that I am transgender, And that does not mean that I am unlovable. This world that we imagine in this room MightContinue reading ““This world that we imagine in this room might be used to gain access to other rooms, Other worlds, previously unimaginable.””
Pain resurfacing
I’m increasingly having feelings I had as a teenager, when I couldn’t do the things that helped me cope on a daily basis. When my legs were bad, because I’d run too much during that year, or the weather was just way too bad to go out, but I’d also eaten a full meal, andContinue reading “Pain resurfacing”
Don’t scroll at Xmas – it will only make things worse
I’ve a long list of posts, which may or may not exist anymore, from way back into my 20s, documenting how hard I’ve found this time of year. Truth be told, as I reach my late 30s I I believe I am coming to understand myself better, or at least give myself more forgiveness forContinue reading “Don’t scroll at Xmas – it will only make things worse”
‘Columbusing in the UK’
When I worked as a front of house member of staff in a nearby art institution, we had a saying to describe certain visitors who would arrive from, let’s be fair, mainly London and South East: ‘Columbusing’. The males doing the ‘Columbusing’ would arrive towards the end of the day, and step into the gallery,Continue reading “‘Columbusing in the UK’”
The evolution of public transport ambience; the 2000s to 2020s
OK, I admit this is kind of about one of my pet hates. I really can’t stand phone noise on public transport. It’s kind of my problem; I struggle with noise. If there’s a interrupting kind of noise from the overall ambience on a train, for example, I’ll instantly be unable to stop waiting forContinue reading “The evolution of public transport ambience; the 2000s to 2020s”
I felt ‘Wrong’ for most of my life
Why do I feel so guilty for writing something which isn’t linked into with a more broader critique of society and political strucutres? As I do. But the guilt of not making a political statement can often make you write things you don’t even enjoy writing yourself. My next big venture may be a wayContinue reading “I felt ‘Wrong’ for most of my life”
London: 2022
The last time I was here I didn’t own a smart phone. It was also the day before the Brexit Referendum, and before Pandemic-anxiety began to deeply mediate how we negotiated urban space. But right now, I can’t yet touch base in this urban endlessness due to the disorientation caused by fighting off the intrudingContinue reading “London: 2022”
Post-Covid psychological state.
I’ve not been doing very well over the last year. Despite managing to keep making the work, I can’t locate a source of inner-well being. The atmosphere feels different since the initial optimism (what I’d say felt like a pause to capitalist-realist life) of those early months of 2020, when enough of the population wereContinue reading “Post-Covid psychological state.”
The fear of speaking about the political causations of (your) mental distress
I don’t write as much as I used to, partly because of the mental battle to keep focus, when it is constantly at threat of being ‘stolen’, (to steal Johan Hari’s term). It’s also, partly because I get locked into an inner conflict about the validity of the point I’m about to make in thatContinue reading “The fear of speaking about the political causations of (your) mental distress”
John B Ledger 