By the end of next week I will know the conclusion of an assesment for a diagnosis.
The amount of little wars I’ve reactivated on myself from years of accumulating theories of doing life wrong.
Many have accused me of having a victim mentality, and there is some evidence. Yet it was and has been at least at times a defence strategy, when I could not adapt to be what I was told I should be….
And to this script, I have done life wrong: I’ve failed on most counts of being a valued adult. It doesn’t matter how much blood and sweat you put into life, if you can’t ascribe it to the script, then you can’t play.
And the majority of my adult life has been a case of watching others do the adult life whilst I could only observe.
In my mind, I have tried my damn hardest to always do the right thing, but the pervasive evidence of the script says I haven’t.
I am not sure what the conclusion of this assessment will be, but the one thing I wish to take away from it is an ability to arrive at some kind of peace with the life I have accrued for myself.
John B Ledger 