The reason I’m writing this isn’t an expected one.. Basically I’m pretty much at rock bottom. The life I have led for all my adult life has become increasingly untenable and intolerable, no matter how many times I’ve tried and tried afresh. This life I’ve led has been flakey from the start, but the idealContinue reading “I actually think some form of national service would be good. But it would be the opposite of this right wing wet dream”
Author Archives: John B Ledger
No more apologies
No more apologies for any perceived erroneous move from a continual striving for respect. This has been the longest spell of depression I have ever experienced. And I no longer know what I have left that is worth its weight going forward. What has made it so sustained is that previously, and partly down toContinue reading “No more apologies”
The war against yourself
“Other people do it. Other people manage, Other people can, Other people can’t!!” My biggest dream is to go somewhere where nobody knows my name, where I have no friends, no memories, no hooks back into the person I am. What this means is my biggest dream is to be able to escape my ownContinue reading “The war against yourself”
What does freedom mean to you? The freedom to be needs to be matched by the freedom from having to be. You can’t be forced to be yourself, otherwise freedom itself becomes the tyranny.
Share a story about someone who had a positive impact on your life. Garry Sykes. Who passed away earlier this year. He taught me on my Bachelors degree in art at Barnsley College. Although it was a Bachelors degree, this wasn’t a university education. Barnsley is a post-industrial town, and certainly not a university town.Continue reading
Self-hate
I can’t explain how much self-hate I experience towards myself on a daily basis, without wanting to punch you, kill you, expose myself to you – anything to prove what a piece of worthless wank I am, so as to justify my non-existence. It’s been a driver in my mental make-up for most my adultContinue reading “Self-hate”
A Uk bank holiday in 2024
HEAD HELD DOWN Negativity isn’t a perception of a world outside, it’s a projection of that world inside: how you feel about yourself, as you continually manoeuvre the inner furniture, trying to feel at home. This reminder gives you rest-bite from the habit of being hard on yourself. But it splutters and withers as youContinue reading “A Uk bank holiday in 2024”
My secret love of rocks
Like many kids who have been allowed the space to be interested in things, I had fleeting fixations. Having initially been WW2 obsessed, collecting and subsequently breaking Airfix models, I went on to be obsessed with snakes, fossils, and trees. When I started secondary school in 1995 I came to the conclusion that the onlyContinue reading “My secret love of rocks”
The waste that calls your name
If everything up here is exposed, then this bleached landscape is the necessary negative of the urban spaces below where addiction has become the modus operandi; where every stone is upturned, leaving no secrets, no mystery, no object to desire, just short circuits to quick fixes. …and it’s for good reason I come here, onceContinue reading “The waste that calls your name”
The mistaken belief that pain will end: Blur’s ’13’, 25 years on
To speak with admiration of Blur still stokes fear of criticism, even to this day. I’ve read enough critiques of their class tourism in the 90s; the ease with which they simultaneously pantomimed the working class whilst being socialites in the Camden scene to make me feel like the only culture I’m allowed to talkContinue reading “The mistaken belief that pain will end: Blur’s ’13’, 25 years on”
John B Ledger 